Surprise Me

Not on the ball...

2005-04-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

So needless to say this has kinda been the story of my life... i have trying to juggle so many things in life, that i just haven't been able to do it all... but what it boils down too... the real truth of the matter is... i am afraid of writing about the things that happen to me... the things that occur that surprise me that Jesus would step into an encounter with me, that most likely are of no relevance to anyone else and then i wonder 'does anyone really care that i am writing about these things?' or 'do i sound like a cheesy christian when i write about some "nice" thing that happened to me?'... when the reality is... Jesus does choose to surprise me and its surprises that are tailored to me because i am created uniquely and He has a purpose in what He is doing with me and for me...

so... i have been surprised many times over... many times its little things... like last night... i went to a matt wertz concert (put on by echo ministries... little plug there ;) and when he began singing his 'thesis' song...all i know is that You gave everything - so let that be enough because that's all i know... i remembered the last time that i heard him play and i wrote my own thesis 'statement' if you will, during his song... so last night... when he began the song, i pulled my sketch book out of my bag and read it... "i am realizing that we are all created for a purpose greater and deeper than we can ever fathom - but its that ability to trust, to follow that we begin to see this realization become our reality. i would rather live paycheck to paycheck as my life is poured out for Something/Someone greater than myself than to be comfortable and safe..." the surprise! side of this is that earlier that day, a friend and i were looking at duplexes to rent for the next year... i don't have job lined up yet and i don't entirely know if i can afford this... but i know that this is where i need to be and what i need to be doing... so am i going to TRUST, to FOLLOW?... am i going to make this realization a reality in the way i live my life? or am i going to live within the means of what i humanly know i can do? three months ago when i wrote this i never would have imagined the things i am going through now and the place i am at... but Jesus has brought me along thus far... and He will continue to bring me farther along...

one surprise that might become an even bigger surprise tommorow... an old friend from back in high school and i are getting together and going out for coffee... i haven't seen her in almost three years... but one night she was on aol and i just decided to drop her an im and see how she was doing... and tommorow we are getting together... from the away messages she leaves, i know we both have gone down completely different paths but i am excited to catch up... and just hear about life for the past four years...

and one more thing... (i should probably go back to doing this everyday :)... this past wednesday at our house groups we did a topic night... and for the girls it was talking about eating disorders/image... but my site director (amazing woman!!) asked me to speak on perfectionism, those things that are descructive but are
praised... to be honest... i don't really know where the words came from that night but my prayer was that at least one person in that room would hear what i was trying to say with my story... that our worth in Jesus' eyes is not measured by the things we do, or say, or how we act to prove our love for Him.. but that's its already spotless in His eyes and He is madly in love with us, pursuing us, and He wants us to respond back the same way.... so many times we think its our duties that make Him love us more... but there is nothing that we can do to make Him love us anymore or any less...

but today i got an email... from one girl ;)... telling me that what i had to say impacted her... and that it is the same as her story... He sure did surprise me with that... and she also asked me a tough question that i am still wrestling with :)... but what a huge answer to prayer...

as for tommorow...surprise me, God...

still in shock

2005-04-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

so needless to say i have missed a few days of my blogging committment yet i think more has happened than when i actually was blogging...

to make a long story short, i have been on the look out for a job opportunity for this summer since i am graduating in a manner of weeks... last wednesday, my business prof had me come into his office and he told me of an ad agency looking to hire and intern that would most likely turn into a full time job... and the funny thing is, its right in the area of minneapolis that i wanted, and there are so many little things... like the guy who is my contact is actually a friend's husband and i had gone to their wedding a few years ago!

but another surprising thing happened that day in class... my prof made the comment "its not where you go, its Who you follow"... and i just thought that was the greatest thing... so i wrote it down... when i was in his office later, he asked me if i thought that was a good comment (i was actually thinking to myself, what a random comment this is)... then he said that i had written it... it was in the thank you card i had given him a few days earlier... its a blessing to write something and have it touch someone else, but then to have it 'repackaged' and you hear it and are encouraged by it... its definatly was one of those surprise me moments...

the other surprise me moment that day came when i found out what clients this ad agency had... several farm companies.. now someone might think the fact that i am pointing this out it odd... except that i grew up on a dairy farm so this is all something that i completely understand... and i was shocked at God's ablity to mold several different desires that we have into one thing...

there have been several other surprise me moments the last few days but i am starting to run out of steam...

one thing that i keep coming back to consistently is that He is always present and i think there are many times we do allow life to become to complex that we miss the simple moments that Jesus is desiring to touch our hearts with His surprises...

the little things

2005-04-06T00:58:00.000-07:00

Today was a rather usual day... there were things that were exciting and some that were not... but i think the biggest surprise of the day just came a few moments ago as i read a friend's blog who is also doing this experiment... part of doing this whole thing has brought up a number of questions in my head about doubts i have about myself and my faith and really just putting myself out there... and just reading through his comments made me realize, i'm not the only one questioning these things, feeling kinda exposed and vunerable... he hit a point that i can really identify with and that is, what if God allows me to feel more pain through this than happiness? part of me wants to hold back... but really then i am only holding myself back from God, the very Person i am desiring a deeper relationship with... i think its funny sometimes how well the word 'relationship' describes how we are to relate to Jesus... there are ups and downs, confusion, but most of all there is love that always draws us back... so i hope through the next 30 days and counting, i can lean on the knowledge that His love will never leave me, no matter what i am experencing...

to make you feel my love

2005-04-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

to make you feel my love..... (bob dylan)

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When evening shadows and stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But i would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry i'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that i wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't see nothing like me yet
I could make you happy make your dreams come true
Nothing that i wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

... Lately have been having a hard time realizing Jesus' desire for a relationship with me, the fact that He would die to be with me... and this afternoon I spent some quiet time with Him... but it was later that this song 'surprised me'... i was in the computer lab at school by myself with the itunes going... and this song came on... and just listening to the lyrics it was as if Jesus were saying it to me... "there ain't nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel My love... " Just a week ago, we experienced Easter... God's way of showing us that there ain't nothing that He wouldn't do to make us feel His deep, passionate love for us... i have to admit the entire song fits what's going on in my life right now... that is just kinda funny...

i also ran into a really good friend today that i hadn't seen in awhile and he was discouraged with how his small group had been going with his high school guys... so we talked about it for a few minutes... and i shared with him some words of wisdom from one of my core group girls... that many times just being together means more than 'getting through' what we have planned out... it was neat to see his eyes spark up and realize that its not about what you do, but that you love on these kids... it was a surprise to run into him, and he has always been one of those guys that no matter how short of time we have to talk, i always leave encouraged...

Anticipation

2005-04-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

"Dream no small dreams, for they have no power to stir men's blood." - Louis D. Sullivan

One of the most beautiful things about being a follower of Jesus is being part of something so much bigger than ourselves. We are invited into His story... and the deeper I grow in my relationship with Him, the more I realize the complexity of what He has created; its beyond anything I can grasp.

And so, in light of this growing understanding... I am "ready," so to speak, to begin this adventure with God. Currently, my life is at a rather chaotic point... in good ways. I am graduating May 14th... so between now and then, there are many things to be accomplished, to be discovered about myself, and yet to be determined (like a job ;)... however, its those things that need to take a backseat (as they always do) as I allow Jesus to lead me throughout the day, to surprise me...

The past few weeks have taught me that when I am living for myself and the desires of my flesh, part of me is missing, just a tad off... because He is absent in my purpose... but when I come back to Him and desire Him above all else... my passions come back, and I feel alive again... As C.S. Lewis puts it: "... God wills our good, and our good is to love Him and to love Him we must know Him: and if we know Him, we shall in fact fall on our faces. If we do not, that only shows that what we are trying to love is not yet G0d... When we want to be something other than the thing God wants us to be, we must be wanting what, in fact, will not make us happy." (The Problem of Pain)

God has created us as complex creatures, yet somehow He pulls out the pieces of us that bring us the most joy and give Him the most glory when we allow Him to work in us. It doesn't mean I am always up to the task, or don't ever get burnt out because I surely do... yet there is nothing more satisfying than Him.

As I conclude my little intro/current thoughts, I am growing with anticipaition with what He is going to surprise me with in the next 30 days...